Recently I have found myself in a fairly abnormal season.
In the past, I would have probably called it “a funk.” Maybe I would have called it isolation…or borderline depression. Either way from the outside looking in, it doesn’t exactly look healthy.
Most nights I find myself alone in my room while sitting in silence, or playing piano, or writing. And if I’m not in my room, I’m typically curled up in a ball on my parents porch after a long day of work; which isn’t exactly my norm. Coming from a girl whose parents used to say “everywhere our daughter goes there’s a trail of people following behind her” (a.k.a…extreme extrovert), I would dare to say my current season has been a contradiction to my God-given personality.
Its definitely a new experience for me [to say the least].
I’ve found myself watching most of my closest friends get married, have babies, and step into the fulfillment of the promises God has spoken over their lives. And me over here...well...yeah about that (insert gritting teeth emoji). I’ve been watching my community one-by-one get smaller and smaller, and my options for “hang-outs” be far less than they’ve ever been. I’ve become increasingly aware of the fact that I’m getting older and finding community doesn’t exactly get easier. Additionally, God has been leading me to say “yes” to Him even when my “yes” is still vague and unknown. I’ve been stepping out with no clear direction of where to step in.
And needless to say, it has not been easy.
But heres the thing…
Even when my circumstances try to create fear in me, and there are often days when I feel the lure to sulk in my loneliness, I've been experiencing a peace that is unexplainable. Though there are many nights I spend alone and my life seems like God has pressed pause as I wait for Him to lead, my heart is deeply confident that this is just a season. The occasions that I have to remind myself “this will not be forever” have surprisingly been few and far between.
Although this word pales in comparison to what I'm actually experiencing within my heart, if I could sum it up in one word it would be "confidence." I'm confident to the point that it doesn't make sense. Though all my circumstances scream “MISSING OUT” or yell whatever lie the enemy wants to throw my way, my heart has not wavered from the truth (most of the time).
God really is in the waiting.
There is so much I get to encounter of Him in this season. When my entire life feels like it's at a standstill and there is nothing tangible I can hold onto in order to trust that His promises will come to fruition, I get the opportunity to truly believe Him without seeing.
And I'm convinced that this kind of faith is actually what moves mountains.
For those of you who are in a similar season, I just thought I'd encourage you with this word today. The promises He has spoken over your life are NOT void. He will pull through…He ALWAYS does. So just know that He sees you. He knows what your heart needs. He knows your dreams and what you are deeply longing for. And even when it seems like the season of waiting might stay on pause forever, trust Him!
The other day I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to look up the specific word used for "acknowledge" within scripture when it says to "acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight" (Proverbs 3:6). I couldn't believe the revelation I found. It was the word "yada." This is the same word used in the Hebrew language when it references intimacy and sexual relations. Its means "to know." I realized this verse is not just calling me to acknowledge Him. NO...its calling me to KNOW him...intimately (as one would know their lover). And out of the depths of my communion with Him, He will lead me.
So with that….heres a little excerpt of a spontaneous song I’ve been singing to Jesus. Its always been a dream of mine to post excerpts of my morning songs with Jesus. So here ya go....